Deliberate self-harm

Self-harm is when you deliberately hurt yourself. It's often done as a way to cope with intense emotions. It can be very dangerous, with long-term effects.

Why people self-harm

Self-harm can be difficult to understand, both for the person who hurts themselves, and their family and friends.

It can be triggered by a number of reasons, including the stress and anxiety of going through difficult life situations. This includes:

• grief and loss
• relationship break-ups
• family problems
• school or work
• sexual, physical or mental abuse
• feeling like you don't belong or are invisible
• depression or other mental health conditions.

When going through these difficult times, you may struggle to find words or outlets to express the intense emotions you're feeling. Self-harm may be seen as a way to cope with these feelings, or to express that you need help and support.

What you can do

Stopping self-harm is a difficult and personal decision. Ultimately, you must find reasons that are important to you and will influence a change in your behaviour. If you need help finding these reasons, speaking to a professional counsellor or doctor can be useful.

Once you make the decision to stop self-harming, it's important to remember that it's a process. You may occasionally fall into old behaviours – that's OK. An occasional lapse is a normal part of recovery.

Coping techniques

These techniques can help you avoid, postpone or minimise self-harming behaviour.

Distract yourself: Find different activities or focus your thoughts on something that distracts you from your current situation and feelings. This should only be used as a short-term solution.

Self-soothe: Use your five senses to refocus your thoughts and feelings, and calm yourself. For example, listen to soothing sounds, find a beautiful view, hug someone, or cook and eat your favourite meal.

Improve the moment: When you're faced with a negative experience or intense emotions, use the IMPROVE acronym to create a more positive physical and mental space for yourself:

• Imagery: Picture a safe place or a location that you remember fondly.
• Meaning: Look for a silver lining in what you're experiencing (if there is one).
• Prayer: This doesn't have to be religious. You may find it helpful to use spirituality, meditation or mindfulness practices to centre yourself during difficult situations.
• Relaxation: Techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation can help you clear your mind.
• One thing: Focus on one thing in the moment to bring your attention back to what you can do now. This can prevent you from worrying about the past and what might happen in the future.
• Vacation: Take a break, whether it's a week-long holiday or a 5-minute breather in a quiet space.
• Encouragement: Give yourself some positive reinforcement by reminding yourself that you're a good person, you're doing well and you can succeed.

Helping someone who is self-harming

If someone you know is self-harming, it's important to take this seriously. You may feel angry, panicked, or like you want to ignore the problem, but these reactions can increase the other person's distress.

Try to stay calm and non-judgmental. Encourage and offer to participate in coping strategies, such as those mentioned on this page. You can also assist them in finding trained professional help.

Helping someone you know deal with self-harming behaviour can be difficult, so it's important to maintain your own network of support.